today's the big election day..not going to pursue on the matter cause well i think i've discussed enough about it with  dengdeng

the important thing is that, since my mom is the legal advisor for SPR, she is busy through out the month. the family decided to take one short holiday here in putrajaya while she works and joins us later on, but still now, 11pm at night and she still hasnt return from her office.

finals start on this monday, with arab first. (doomed)

well..anyway..i've finally decided that it's no use trying to beat around the bush. if i want to forget about this problem, i might as well face it in the front and overcome it.

so here goes..

it's going to sound embarrassing, something i have never write about in my blog, but i am human after all and this is well, normal. 

i like a person. a guy, of course. i think it is very obvious. even with the past posts i made. the reason why i'm so depressed about it is well, for the past 18 years of my life, i have received 5 rejections.

hahaha, surprised? well yeah it's true. so i'm used to this and i know i'm the type that falls easily, so thats why i'm trying so hard to get over this, because i know the same thing will happen again.

dont break my heart into pieces again

of course the guy i'm crushing on doesnt know about this and i am not planning on confessing, since i'm trying really hard to get over him. but being in a room where most of my roommates and besties are on the phone 24/7 and getting 'angau', i cant help but to feel jealous and wanting to be like them. so thats why its getting hard.

even though i've been down this road many times, i am somehow still hoping it might be different this time, just like how i felt those last times too. again, more reasons for me to be depressed about it. 

because i cant help myself. i'm not as strong as i thought i was.

this guy..reason why it's hard to get him out of my head is that, embarrassingly, i thought he has most of the characteristics in my Mr. Right, yes, laugh. it's crappy, so please do laugh.

but i do know i'm still young, going to be 19 soon, and education is important and all, that the more reason why i need him to get out of my head. 

even though i do feel like i want to be like my friends, wanting to know how is it feel to be in a relationship, since i have never been in one, the fact is, i cant bear another rejection. i know that since i'm an expertise in the field, i can handle it easily, but it still hurts. and before i waste more time, money, and feelings for this which i know is never going to work, i might as well stop it now.

there it is. i've said it, it's out of my body.

now, just get the heck out of my head.